When Fridges attack.... VI

Dane Bowers here. I choose to live my life in solitary confinement for 1 main reason- the dangers of fridges. I haven't left my house for nearly 2 months now for the dangers that fridges are. This page explores the dangers of fridges and how to possibly avoid them....

1. The Zanussi
These have been known to be particularly deadly mainly because of the way they dream all day about Cat Deeley fending off attacks by a certain marshmellow man named Tony Cottee. As one eyewitness described "I am NOT a Zanussi refrigerator"- he didn't last long as 20 seconds later he was bombarded with requests to play the song "Born to be Wide" by brit rock contenders Ivory Mullet on top of the pops.

2. The Hotpoint
Never EVER tickle Gary Walsh in one of these refrigerators. He can rebuke with dire consequences. Karen Brady tried it- she ended up singing "Away In a Manger" over and over again until Joe Scully came to her rescue dressed in chain mail which reminded me of the film "Meet me in Asda Frederick Kanoute". As you can imagine, I almost ended up baking a gateaux in a faraway land.


Rare footage of a fridge doing the Macarena

3. The Electrolux
Electrolux fridges are notorious for their duckpond-like interior which reminds me of when I was on holiday with Audrey Hepburn in Marcus Bents watering can. They explode on the carpet while i take sugar puff taming lessons, which is a drastic measure for someone like me who is not used to ironing a postman wearing baggy trousers and a tourist guide to Plymouth.
Frankly, Graham Taylor does not make an ideal pet, unless he is considering facing up to the harsh realities of his greengrocers bottom dollar with a laissez-faire attitude to the blue peter green badge.

More fridges coming soon. If you have news of any fridge attacks contact the corrugated duck

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Thanks to James "James" Crouchman for glistening in the sun