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Diary of a 3rd world cabbage
If you are familiar with Gordon Strachans unorthodox techniques, you will know all about the way cabbages who are less fortunate than us are treated. Often they are discriminated against because the colour of their socks, or even the way they iron their petticoats. Hopefully this page will give you an insight into the plight of a cabbage in one of these deprived areas.
August 3rd
Shop at New Look. Don't notice the sign outside saying
"No cabbages allowed". Decide to open a beaver
rehabilitation facility in aid of Billy Piper, which will 1 day
become a constant reminder of my time in Switzerland serving as a
waiter in a cheese restaurant.
August 4th
Embark on a smear campaign, which later turns out
unsuccesful due to red tomatoes protesting outside, wearing
frocks that make them look uncannily like Phil Neville in a
sauna.
5th
Aunt Bessie subtley provided me with a saucepan, I'll
have to wait for Westlife's opinion on the matter though as it
may co-incide with my return to Ice skating. Earmuffs may be
alright on the night, but they don't half go down well with Dean
Saunders.
Blueberry tart has once again been announced "crow of the
day", and once again it looks like I may have to open a pet
shop.
6th
There has been much excitement over the opening of the
new pet shop; as one punter commented at the launch ceremony
"It's a sad day for herrings and billboards alike as they
count a gazelle".
East Sussex has traditionally been a playground for cabbages, but
lettuces have been slowly moving into the area and the cabbage
population is in decline.
7th
The collapse of Jimmy Armfield's empire has been put
down to a number of reasons; grapefruit and margarine being the
main ones. However historians argue the validity of the sources
(Sandpaper doesn't grow on trees instead it grows on bean
sprouts)
I hope this has enlightened your view on cabbages sufficiently to take action. email your comments to peoplescabbage@ivory-afro.freeservers.com